I still love you.
but I can't deny you your happiness.
stay happy my love.<3
-------
on that note... I have a few poems I came across that I wrote about a year ago.
-------
He can't keep up with this facade,
without breaking a little bit more inside,
his hopes and dreams mildly inspiring.
Tonight, he knows he has to end this.
But how do you say no to the girl
draped over your legs?
She's all [un]dressed for this night to last,
and he's set to surreptitiously wreck it,
tired from his mundane routine to his
average Joe life,
and he so calmly releases the demons
burning in his fibers.
He is to be feared and she is to be wanted.
This is the cycle; this is his life.
The incense burns and threatens a takeover
of the curtain, to dominate it
with a fiery passion all over,
the way she threatens him,
and it's almost so beautiful in the light,
shadowing an eclipse to block out the sun.
Every inch of his mind is bruised,
as he tries to recollect her name,
and she was always just a carving
in his wrist to measure the severity
of his sanity.
He takes her lips and he makes small nips.
She comes undone in more ways than one.
This charade has gone too far.
She knows it too.
She smells the accentuated toxins from his breath,
and she almost fails to catch her own,
though she still yearns this foreign language
that he emphasizes with his body,
the shivers from his eyes giving her a chill.
Her tongue is on fire from all sorts
of charitable friction.
He pursued, she complied.
She accused, he denied,
loyal to his masking facade,
and they are nothing more than faceless frauds.
She's well, he swells,
the pressure of his finger nearly unnoticable,
even as the ring cuts the skin, and now
the phone rings a justifiable interruption,
the machine requesting a comment,
the wife apologizing again
before cursing his name and disappearance,
she wanted a divorce, and could he bother
showing up for court?
(it's a quarter to four)
---------
I am a gust of wind
I see myself in shards of broken windshield
As they scrape against the pavement
From your last accident
Decorating the streets with unstoppable nature
The curiosity of your fellow neighbor
And he can't help but co-exist
With what he can't control
The way the metal caves inward
Its abstract design is almost artistic beauty
Molded to perfectly fit your figure
Your flight cut short
You, the makeshift artist, the one responsible
Taking to the skies like a stone in the river
Gravity whisking you away in its arms
To them, you had sunk in a blink
To you, it had lasted forever
Running from the reason to fight
A successful hide-and-go-seek
You were still caught at the bottom
But you had already won your battle
My molding, my work of art, on the ground
Wasting away when the rain falls
And I, the mentor, don't fall apart
This was an act of repetition
Taunting my suicide with your own
Evidence slips beneath the streets
A shift to be shut
The ricochet off the car revised your faces
A clear victory against your problems
Well done, Artist
Well done.
--------
There is nothing stopping infection
A burning sensation amid my chest
My heart falls out onto my trembling hands
Unsure if I should give you this gift
You take my breath away
Until my chest burns from the act
And my head swirls faintly
Young beads of sweat forming on my hairline
My inability to trust haunts me
Can I trust you? Are you the one?
Yet I can't rely on my answers
Because I've been wrong before
I try to deny my feelings for you
But last night changed everything
The way we stood so close to each other
Inches separating us
And I could feel your breath
Ricocheting warmly from my neck
Your voice purring lightly as you whispered
Saying all the right things
An incredible force of sideways gravity
Brought our lips together in a gentle fashion
Such that a chill overcame my being
Every fiber exploding with this feeling
The way your words roll off your tongue
Past your lips and stroking my ears
Everything about you is superior to others
And I try to deny my feelings
My heart is heavily guarded
No man abandon his post
Intruder alert! Sound the siren!
Someone's getting too close for our own good
Still you persist and I cannot hide
I run but your arms wrap around my waist from behind
Your beautiful voice tells me I'm okay
My inoperable heart screams its contradiction
My feet are more than wet in this realm
Don't let me go on
The bandages on my heart will wither
Exposing me to greater infection
Rectify this abomination my soul knows
This cancer is malignant without treatment
Disengage my distrust
Allow me to hold you tighter than anyone before
Commit me to something beautiful
To something of the likes of you
Because as hard as I may try
I fail to deny my feelings
-------
For a year, we lived in this fairy tale
The greatest love story known to anyone
A selfless time where all we tried to do
Was love the other like no one before
You showed me what it was like
To let myself go and open my heart
The beauty and tranquility of your soul
Enveloping me with the warmest sensation
I was afraid to be myself
Afraid you wouldn't last
Yet I soon discovered how rare you were
The love you offered was genuine
And I took every allotment to heart
Canonizing every memory I made with you
I held you so high, I idolized you
And I know you felt the same
We waited so long for this moment
The moment we would meet
And it finally came, and it was paradisiacal
Our love knew no barriers
Then somehow we drifted apart
We became distant, the remembrance failing suddenly
Neither you nor I knew how to take control
Take control of our lives again
Before I could count to ten, it was over
Everything we once treasured only hurt us more
I closed my eyes and kept counting
Kept counting and it only grew more painful
Soon I was too enervated to fight my battle
Something had happened, we were only a memory
When I looked into your eyes, I couldn't see mine
And you felt it too
Last night, we said our final goodbyes
Every moment, every word struck a sharp chord in my heart
It was too painful
But we managed to come out of it alive
I can never tell you how much I love you
And I know you feel the same
Some things just weren't meant to be
Some things just get caught in the line of fire
Perhaps we were brought to each other's lives
To help guide the way, show each other what it's like
To show it's okay to love, it's okay to be yourself
To teach one another that we can embrace life as it is
And so we've reached the end of this fairy tale
I can only thank you for being in my life
Perhaps one day I can take what you've offered into the light
Maybe one day I can be free
--------
At the sound of the siren
All systems are go
They don't have the energy
To create change
And they walk single-file
Monotonous in every march
Droning on and on and on
Like whining robots
Programmed for one sole purpose
To work as they never have
They drag on
Like little toy soldiers
Controlled by His desires
Because The Man never ceases
("Bloodstains and bullet piercings
Never broke down a fort before.")
So they carry on...
Obscenities are their every day
Yet they can't control it
All they do is fight
Or they'll ask themselves
("Will we win this fight
Or are we doomed for life?")
A variety of questions
They don't have the answers to
Keep it moving now
Just keep on marching, you bastards
Shatter thy broken lips
Wipe away the blood with tongues
If thou hast dreams to be home again
They will die today
And He won't cry for their weaknesses
He'll send out for more
And it just repeats
And it just repeats
